深夜随记 其二

在中大呆了两年,认识了好多人。不管怎么说,在中大的这些日子里都算是人生经历最丰富的两年了,虽然正儿八经的事并没有做多少。尤记得各种人生的第一次呢……第一次在舞会跳舞,第一次认真投入于一个社团,第一次……有趣的是,班上的人没有混熟多少,倒是在班外认识了很多人。有各院辩论队的辩友,上体育课认识的哲学转数学的同学,还有在食堂偶遇互留微信相忘江湖的过客,不一而足。

马上要离开了,恐怕联系渐疏。开始舍不得那些人,那些事。不过搞笑的是,我妈似乎早就发现了,我总是在离开了一个地方后,很快就会很少再跟那里的人交流,然后再很快把一切忘的干净。不论是小学初中,还是高中。记得初中转学的时候,当时也是依依不舍,还一度寄信回去,不过最后也很快没了音讯。这件事还被我妈调侃过很多次。后来有几次回老家,想找同学聚一聚也羞赧作罢。其实现在还记得当时和班上同学的关系都极好呢……

更不必说高中。搬到广东6年以来在很长一段时间内都不能很好地接受这里的文化,比如仍未学会但是以未学会而自豪的粤语。高一的一班散了后很快就叫不出同学的名字了,而高三的十七班恐怕情况不会更好。

不知是因为性格使然,还是社会规律,抑或是一直忙于学习…,或许我很快就会很少跟这片土地上的人有太多联系了。理性告诉我其实我可以把这些作为一个机会难得的社会学自然实验,以一个观察者的身份注视着这一切渐渐发生,并且顺便得出一个不错的结论;但是一旦忙下手中的事,便容易在夜晚和音乐的催眠下感时伤怀。不过话说回来,我倒是比之前变得更加逗B,这或许会有助于我和大家保持联系——比如在群里进行有意思的调戏🌚。

下次再来写点有趣的好了,这个话题略闷。

随笔

凌晨2点的广州。好久没写东西了,随便写一点吧。

深夜随手谷歌了一下院里的一位同学,发现了很多有意思的东西。现在才知道原来身边的同学也不乏如此努力之人,而相比之下自己实在自惭形秽。每天写一份足迹、每月写一份小结,社团、科研、兼职、追剧、文学阅读、CS,还有巨高的GPA,多任务模式开的很精彩呀……大一就在准备GRE写作(虽然方向并不对……),完美的托福、积极乐观的心态、相当靠谱的自我管理……在QQ里聊天时的温文而儒雅。不管怎么样,都是一位十分值得欣赏的优秀女子呢。

然而在静静地浏览别人留下的痕迹的时候,不由三省吾身。大二这一年以来过得太快,申请占了差不多四分之三的时间,剩下的四分之一的大二下学期实在是没干什么事,其实即使是在申请季自己好像也没有什么动静。托福准备了快半年最后也只是刚到100分压线,被卡单项的几所学校还要狼狈的靠雅思来过。荒废的一岁。

所以要开始玩真的啦!!

说好的四年高三呢!!等7月7号考试结束和化学说了farewell,就来开始玩命的学,经典力学电动力学热力学和统计力学量子力学我全部都要学会学会学会,词汇量恢复到16k,在新大二的一年里!以此为证!7月考完试以后我会把每个阶段的计划和完成情况写上来,虽然这个网站并没有除了我以外的其他人看。

嗯…最后忍不住再评论一下那位令人尊敬的妹子…… 其实从她的日志可以看出来,她似乎并没有长远的规划,(佐证:她努力的方向比较发散)但是短期(<3 months)的规划极好(有很多短期目标),而这和我之前收集到的信息吻合。这样看来,其实这并不是特别好的情况😂。上大学以来我一直在思考这个问题:很多高中刚上大学的freshman们都是被各种形式的媒体和师兄师姐告知大学生活应该多样而精彩,应该努力学各样的技能,然而这种观点在很多情况下可能并不正确。

就我快两年的大学经历来看,前进策略这种事,因人而异。没有精明的辨别能力和足够理性的思考,很容易就会被旁人的指指点点带跑。譬如像我这种早就决定好方向的并且把未来800年都规划了一番的人,其实并没有必要浪费过多的精力在路边的风景上,而在大一一年里可以说也被“师兄师姐们”的“良言”给带歪了。对我来说,集中所有精力开足最大马力一条路走到黑就好了。而对于其他情况不同的人,则得要有自己的思考。在自己活了的20年里认识了很多人,但是发现绝大多数人(其实是几乎所有的)都没有一个足够清晰长远的目标,最多有个一两年内的短期目标,这从大尺度来看几乎是致命的。没有大目标的结果就是现在做的所有努力都要在以后真正的方向上以向量投影的形式打折扣;方向高度发散的人在先前的努力里只能地毯式撒网,最后才找出一条适合的方向,而这对于前一种人来说几乎在浪费生命。

跟其他人接触的愈多,就愈加发现目标的重要性——当然,追根揭底最重要的还是动机,这个以后再谈。身边有太多的人迷茫在人生的路途上,除了拼命努力好让自己看起来不颓废并不能做其他什么,看着可惜。

Anyway,祝愿那位女子尽早找到自己的真爱,动机吻合的。

年轻人能有终身的理想并且全力为之奋斗真是一件太幸福太幸运的一件事。

就酱。

至尊渣之死

昨晚和至尊渣争论大学排名之事,我本以为是一次愉快的颇有收获的交流,但是没想到竟然把他逼退了群。

唉。退群真是一件麻烦的事。

从经济学的角度来讲,之前所投入的所有精力都付诸东流,好不容易才形成的微妙的关系网也付之一炬。除了在手机和电脑上费力才能找到的聊天记录,还有水群时分泌的多巴胺,便再也没有其他什么了。如此来讲,这还真不是一个划算的投资。其实我一直就发现,在人际关系上的投资常常是麻烦、愚蠢而赔本的:不管是绝大多数的朋友,还是虚拟网络中屏幕的那一面,从功利主义的角度来讲,都只是为了满足当时的短期利益(比如愉悦的心情,共同的目标)的诉求,其特征是暂时的、不稳定的;而相比之下,对自己的投资会更倾向于本质的、永久的。

但是过多对自己倾斜资源又会引发另一个问题,那就是有一些资源是从自己身上不可能收获得的,只能由外部获取。这些资源可能很不起眼,但是有的时候却是必要的,比如为难时刻他人的慷慨相助,寂寞时刻及时的沟通,或者一些琐碎但有益的信息。因此凡人都需有自己的社交圈,而平衡自己资源的分配就成了一件重要的事情。

不管怎么说,由于人的嬗变性,跟人打交道就是一件麻烦的事,在保证最小需求的同时,尽量剔除无益的或者黑洞式社交,可能才是一个比较理想的策略。比如——少加QQ群,或者加了之后少水群。人际关系网一旦建立起来,要挣脱就难以摆脱沉没成本的影响,而自己于情上也不忍。

话说回来,ut群在我寂寞如雪的等offer的时光里确实给了我很多欢乐,至尊渣退群以后我也曾一度想退,但是奈何舍不得那些人。考虑到它能给我带来的效益越来越少,继续水下去也确实不是明智之举。毕竟因为水群我已经浪费了不少的时间,不能再这么浪费下去了。如此来想,也许永久性的屏蔽会是一个让人可以接受的方法,等若干年之后我再次兴起,再去看看也好罢。

也许至尊渣再也不会回来了吧。也许那些人再也无法像当时那样水群了吧。

谨以此文纪念至尊渣。

UT 1T9

20岁

默默想来我已经20岁了。

可是我的数学基础仍然停留在微积分的水平,连线性代数都不会。物理也仅仅停留在大物的力学和电磁学,连普物的水平都没到。有的时候真的很恨中国的教育体制,每年有多少志躇意满的年轻人在这样可恨、糟粕、恶心的体制下慢慢变得平庸。每个人都只是大数据下小数点后根本不值一提的小不点,为了所谓国家崛起经济建设和可笑的权力斗争而牺牲了自己的青春。

在中国追个梦怎么就那么难呢?为什么会多出这么多可笑的障碍?制定这些体制的人真是蠢极了。不论是我,还是文洁,抑或是其他想转专业的人,我都见了太多太多。墙内的人想出去,墙外的人想进来。大家本来各取所需,是一件极好的事,它怎么就那么难呢。什么时候开始,连做自己喜欢做的、纯粹的事情,也开始变得这么难了起来。不论是学院的制度,还是学校的、国家的制度,都蠢不可耐,蠢到让人愤怒并且无法忍受。官员们的事总是很多的,改变一项政策总是很难的,而自己正是这一切的受害者,却只能旁观地默默看着发生的这一切,无力改变也不值得自己花力气去改变。

现在只能说,时间每过去一天,上天赋予自己的天赋就磨去一点,直到有一天,所有的天赋磨灭殆尽,而自己却仍然一事无成。在国内上了两年大学,什么985 211,什么全国前十,根本就是狗屁,是渣滓,是青春的诈骗犯、拽着铁链的镣铐。自己根本一无所获,不仅完全厌恶当前所学,而且就这么浪费了两年的时间,每每一想到这里,真是咬牙切齿……人一辈子短短几十年又有多少个两年给自己挥霍,更何况又是这人生最有活力2年!

今晚跟skip聊天,话题转到年龄的时候真是悲伤到人不愿意去想。仔细审视自己,才恍然大悟其实自己早已错过学习数理的最佳年龄,可是回过头来看,自己现在却仍然不得不每天跟鸡毛蒜皮的有机和波谱打打闹闹,连立刻亡羊补牢都不行。陈省身20岁就本科毕业,杨振宁22岁研究生毕业,Abel和Galois奠基了现代数学的时候才20出头,还有陶哲轩……Einstein发表狭义相对论论的时候才26岁,而那时候我还在读博三……想到这里真的是伤心的要哭了出来……等我开始读博士的时候,我他妈都23了……

我说我要读理论物理,似乎身边的人人人都开始阻挠我,这倒是很正常。亲戚都说读金融好,好赚钱,呵呵……大多数人的追求确实朴实但又实在无聊。我从来不关心以后能赚多少钱,钱只要够用就行。在我看来,我过去、现在以及将来所做的一切,都是要并且只为了我最终的目标而努力;而钱只是我完成这一目标里所需要的一个太不起眼的工具。何求?

我不怕以后可能要吃很多的苦。不是所谓既然选择了远方,便只顾风雨兼程么。人生不就是要多来点挑战么。

再艰再险的路,我都已经准备好了。并且,我愿意一直风雨兼程。

我只怕——,只怕自己成为不了Newton,Einstein那样的人,在学术界也混出了些伪名气,终日汲汲于他人可怜的认可,看似快乐实则临走前才幡然悔悟地带着怨念和悔恨平平庸庸地走过了这一辈子……那真是人生莫大的痛苦。

拒绝平庸真是一个太艰巨的任务,艰巨到从20岁开始已经恨铁不成钢的晚。

唉。

唯愿一切最终都能有好的结果

2015.05.07  3am

Something about Physics and Chemistry

Note: This is the homework for organic chemistry.

Preface

With the deep love and firm dedication to natural science, I have been long time wanting to write something about chemistry and physics. In fact, as I learned more about the two basic sciences, more and more remarkable differences between these two subjects appeared and they are so significant that they push me to determine which subject on earth I should devote the rest of my life to. Fortunately, I get a chance today to share my view of points semi-officially here, and I will write down every true feeling I have when I try to learn and understand these two subjects. These feelings may not be consistent and even against with those of yours, but they are not offensive or discriminatory and just stand for my personal viewpoints.

 

Difference between physics and chemistry

Both physics and chemistry are natural sciences, but strangely, they bear too many different characteristics. Physics is more logical: it tries to establish a complete, self-consistent system using laws and logical reasoning that universally explain how the world works and why a natural phenomenon appears with experimental results as proof and supports. However, chemistry is more empirical: it tries to collect as more as experimental data from which chemists try to establish a plausible theory or formula that may partially explain chemical phenomena. One, if bright enough, can deduce a wonderful physics system using only a few basic laws, but he can never do the same thing in chemistry, and even neither can he satisfyingly explain a phenomenon using existing chemical laws or empirical formula. In this sense, physics is a more labor-saving and efficient method as a tool to understand the world. With only one single law, such as law of universal gravitation, a man can learn a great lot about this world. He must be very excited and amazed about how universe can be understood by a so concise and labor-saving way.

 

Comparison between Physics and Chemistry

Characteristics Physics(Take theoretical physics as example) Chemistry(Take organic chemistry as example)
Methods of establishment and development Logical reasoning using basic laws with experiments results as proof and support Empirically with experiments results as development resources and logic reasoning as auxiliary
Range of application Very universal Quite limited
Size of objects for study From quarks to the universe From molecules to human-size materials
Ability of prediction Quite Strong Limited, inaccurate, and uncertain, with many exceptions
More applied or more pure Totally pure More applied
Intellectual requirement Very high Quite high
Main devices for research Paper, pencil and computer Laboratory, all kinds of expensive equipment and toxic reagents
Period of research achievement Quite long (1-20 years) Relatively short (1-3 years)
impact on human life Can be overturning Quite limited and more cumulative
Subjects may be impacted by the development of this subject Engineering, astronomy, energy, chemistry, biology, mathematics, electronic, philosophy, military, materials, etc. Materials, biology, pharmacy, agricultural, etc.
Salary Quite high

Relatively low (except for chemical engineering)

 

Impact and prospect of physics and chemistry

The impact and prospect of physics much more outweighs chemistry (no matter which branches). A great physics theory or equation like law of universal gravitation or E=mc2 can overturn the life of human being, while the effect of chemistry is much more limited. For example, the most outstanding chemical achievement humankind ever made is the low-cost and large-scale industrial preparation of ammonia, but this is also the only one achievement exerted by chemistry that can overturn the lifestyle of human being——they did not have to worry about food production any more.

Besides, the prospect of physics is much brighter than chemistry. To prove this point, you imagine both physics and chemistry had developed to their ultimate stage. As for physics, all of the laws, equations, rules, and particles that can be found would had been found. We would be able to freely utilize nuclear energy and even other undiscovered energy form. Due to the huge energy released from nuclear fusion, human being would never worry about depletion of energy. What is more, humankind would have own the ability to travel across the stars and even galaxies. They can colonize other planets and exploit the resource like metals there. To put the hypothesis to the farthest, if the universe is bound to collapse or permanently expand, the only way that may save human being is to develop physics and try to find the key leading to higher dimension space or another universe.

In comparison, if chemistry developed to its ultimate stage, human beings might be able to synthesize any substance they want, and they might be able to synthesize whatever medicine people desire. Nobody would be bothered by disease and everyone would live as long as 200 years old. So what? People are still to die. The development of chemistry (or biology) would just slightly prolong the value. Even if humankind gain immortality, they are still under the risk of death by accident. People might also be able to use the best materials ever, or the best performance batteries, but nothing more. They will still be stick to the tiny earth even with the ultimately developed chemistry (or biology), and they are even fragile to an incident like the one happened 65 million years ago.

In other word, if physics develop to its ultimate stage, the humankind’s life will be totally different. They would lead a so science-fiction-like life that it will even be beyond the best science fiction writer’s imagination. However, if chemistry develop to its ultimate stage, the humankind’s life will not experience that exciting transformation, and, negatively speaking, will be quite normal compared with today’s life.

 

Why physics and why not chemistry

I prepared for eight month, planning to transfer to a US college so that I can change my major and study theoretical physics. Why theoretical physics? I have explained above. Besides strong interests in this lovely, sophisticated, and intellectually challenging subject, I also admire the great impact and bright future that physics owns. I dream that one day my theory will change the world. And also I do not want to waste my time in chemistry which is more trivial, limited in impact and less promising. Also, theoretical physics is more intellectually challenging, which will bring me more happiness when I study it.

 

Differences between organic chemistry and other chemistry branches

Since this is an organic chemistry course paper, I shall talk more about organic chemistry. The biggest difference between organic chemistry and other chemistry branches is that organic chemistry is well organized. That is, the regularity of organic chemistry is quite strong that most of the learners are able to find the regularity and utilize it. For example, one can always expect the Grignard reaction to be an organometallic chemical reaction in which alkyl, vinyl, or aryl-magnesium halides (Grignard reagents) add to a carbonyl group in an aldehyde or ketone. And in many situation he can utilize this rule to predict products of a reaction. This characteristic, which makes organic chemistry to be easier to learn, is less remarkable in other chemistry branches, no matter inorganic chemistry, analytical chemistry or physical chemistry.

 The second biggest difference is that organic chemistry is much more fragmentary than other chemistry branches. Since the sorts of substances in organic chemistry are many more, the points that students should memorize remarkably increase. This characteristic weakens the advantages brought by its regularity and makes organic chemistry more like a “philatelic science”: we are always memorizing all kinds of reactions feathered by all kinds of reagents, and it is just like collecting stamps.

 

My feelings about organic chemistry

Organic chemistry is like a jigsaw puzzle. What the learner needs to do is just to try his best to memorize all kinds of reaction formula, reaction conditions and reaction mechanism, as well as some physical and chemical properties of common substance or organic rules. And then he just need to try his best to utilize what he has memorized to synthesis a substance (like total synthesis), just like playing with a jigsaw puzzle. All is around synthesis. This business can be quite monotone and less intellectual challenging. Imagine play jigsaw puzzles for month by month and year by year. I bet it will be extremely boring. What is lucky is that organic chemistry is highly regularly organized, so learning it will not be too painstaking. But to be honest, I hate organic chemistry, and also all other branches of chemistry (except inorganic chemistry), because what they care about is really trivial (compared with what I care about). And also, what I have learned in chemistry will help me nothing in my daily life, even nothing in helping me understand the world because that is accomplished by physics. Fortunately, I get a chance to go aboard to study physics months later and this semester will be the last two months that I have to study chemistry. After early July, I will permanently get rid of chemistry and I will never have to pay even just a little attention to it. And I can spend all of my spared time in my beloved, physics.

I would appreciate if you would love to support my decision. Everyone has his own beloved and I choose physics. No any offence.

再见,多伦多

深夜随手查状态发现终于,被ut录了。

Untitled

曾经自己一天至少要刷新20次状态,可是现在录了一点也不开心。没办法,两所都是梦校,但是实在是自己分身乏术。如果有机会,一定要去ut学一个学期,去跟那里最有趣和最学霸的人会会面。

再见了,水了快半年的ut群。

david,至尊渣,蛋泥,火山,tt,icey,jennifer,rui,zerg,木头,安喵,氨粪,沙包,dp,empty,氨水,群主,小王子,以后有机会再去找你们玩。

我会记住你们一直坚持不懈地黑我雅思10分,黑我托福130,黑我harvard,mit的ad,也会记住david的loo,至尊渣harvard的wl,蛋泥的爱你,火山的学习,tt的减肥,icey的大叔,jennifer的99斤,rui的爱霸~,zerg的语音,木头的跟音,安喵的炸毛,还有dp学姐的微笑,empty的表情……

你们的爱霸真的要去ann arbor了。

再见,各位。再见,多伦多。

2015.4.21  4 am

 

一天之内的第二封offer

早上(实际上已经快中午了)起来刷了一轮状态,吃惊的发现osu的状态有了变化:

原本只有Application status的状态现在下面多了Accept/Decline

原本只有Application status的状态现在下面多了Accept/Decline

点开去看,发现Acceptance:

Evaluation变成了Acceptance

已经要交定金了lol:

多出来的两栏required items

多出来的两栏required items

几分钟之后,来了邮件:

osu的邮件

幸运的一天lol。